Love and Grandma

Hello everyone. I thought I would try writing about the funeral and everything. It really isn't so much as to write a blog entry as it is for me to get my feelings down. I'm sure you all are struggling with this just as much if not more as I am.

I have made it home from the long trip to and from Missouri. I think I am actually doing worse now that I am away from the funeral. It really hurts, almost to the point of physical pain. On the way home, I kept feeling like this whole weekend has been a dream. I am still in denial. I think to myself, there is no possible way that both Grandma and Grandpa have left this Earth. All I want to do right now is to call them at their home to tell them how much I love them both. I have resisted the temptation to call Grandma's cell phone right now. I just wanted to be able to hear her voice. I don't think her voice is actually on the voicemail recording, otherwise I probably would have called her.

I brought home flowers from the funeral. I thought they would somehow make me feel better. I love and am proud of my two plants I was able to bring home from Grandpa's funeral. I think I despise the flowers I took this time. I just want to throw them away.

I know Grandma has been in pain for years. Yet, through it all, she has always overcame. And I know, that while she has suffered, she has brought many people, probably even complete strangers, a glimpse of joy. But that is the thing, through it all, she has never given up. I remember about two maybe three years ago around fourth of July when I thought she wasn't going to make it. The doctors told us she probably wouldn't make it through the night. I remember praying with Josh at the hospital's chapel. God gave me a peace that she would make it through the night, and she did. So why now? Why did it have to take so long? I know we cannot live forever, but it is so unreal to think that death finally took Grandma. I guess I should think of it as God bringing her home.

And while God has given me the peace that she is truly at home with Him, it still hurts. It may continue like this forever. I can honestly say that there is no other person like Grandma Tena in the world. There is no other Grandpa in the world either. Together, they were amazing. They could bring us laughter, joy, comfort . . .

I do not know how the two of them made it through life. I almost feel ashamed at how well off I am. I have never felt the pain and suffering Grandma and Grandpa went through in life both together and individually.

Grandma - Grandpa: I dedicate my life to living a lifestyle that you two showed me how to live. One where I truly love my neighbor as the Scripture encourages. One where I can love a stranger as if they were my own family. One where I do not give up because I am tired. One where I put God and my family above everything else in my life. One where I pass on the legacy that has been passed down to me.

One more thing - I honestly feel like Grandma personified love. She did not need to preach God's word because she acted it out.

I love you all.

Fast Quick Healthy Food

Anyone have suggestions for fast, quick, healthy food? I barely have time to cook. As a result, I have been eating a lot of unhealthy stuff. Also, cheap would be nice! :)

Here's to Monday

I recently read an article by Jon Swanson. He is great. I receive all my daily devotions from him. Every now and then I get one that I'm just like, oh that was nice. Today's devotion was right on the head. Perfect. It was about how sometimes you don't want to pray with the "Dear God" or "My heavenly father" that I know I was taught with. You just want to mumble, complain, be like hey God. Which, when you think about it, I don't think Jesus' disciples talked to Him by saying "Dear Jesus."

Anyway - Here's to Mondays: the feeling of not wanting to start another week, the exhaustion you feel waking up, the headache of knowing you have 5 full days to get through until the weekend.

What is amazing is that by the time Friday rolls around, I know I will feel confidant in the week and what it has produced. It is just these Mondays that are so difficult to get through. Then again, it could have just been today.

Life is Life

I love watching the show Parenthood. There are so many real life issues presented. It is interesting seeing how the characters work through them all. One family has a son with aspergers,another couple is trying to make it work rather than get divorced, and another one is dealing with unemployment (wife works husband parents). Of course there are the family issues revolving around the kids with boyfriends, drugs, friendships, etc. In a way, I find the show encouraging. Through everything that happens, they all stay together as a family. They can lean on one another for support. Sometimes it can be frustrating, but in the end, they always come back together.

The show demonstrates that life is life, you might as well just take it and move on. We all have our struggles, they just vary from person to person. It doesn't make the struggle any less real for the people going through it.

For Ben and I, we have been going through some struggles this summer, well, this past year. He had been stuck at a job he hated, Brooks Brothers. He started out loving it, but began to despise selling thousand dollar suits to rich people who didn't need it. He needed more meaning in his life. So, he left (taking a significant pay cut) to become a re-sale shop manager for Teen Challenge, a non-profit Christian drug rehabilitation center. Here, Ben was able to pour his self into the students enrolled in the program. It combined his passion for people and ministry with his skill set of selling.

Well, that position didn't last long for a variety of reasons. In the end, they decided to terminate his position. The shop wasn't making much money. So, Ben was/is unemployed. Luckily, I decided to not to do summer classes in order to work full time as a summer camp teacher. We were able to have a nice steady income throughout the summer months.

When school began in the fall, Ben still had not found a new job. I began to get anxious wondering how we were going to get by. I was taking 18 extremely heavy courses in school, plus working 20 hours (sometimes more), as well as leading youth group with Ben and our friends Ben and Brooke. I was getting closer and closer to my breaking limit. This fact put a strain on our relationship. I became snippy, nagging, etc. out of my stress.

Ben began to work for his Dad, who is the Vice President of a telecommunications company called Business Fitness. They work to save companies money on phone or internet services. In return, the company gets a certain cut of the money saved. While this is great for Ben (provides a challenge, flexible hours, works with his Dad, etc) it does not bring in money right away. It will take some time before he gets the connections with companies that he needs. He has to spend time going over bills, expenses, etc. before he can write a savings offer to companies.

In the midst of this, Ben was offered a management training position with a company called Allen Edmonds. This is similar to Brooks Brothers because it is a high end retail company specializing in shoes. It would have provided stability in income and benefits. While Ben and I prayed, we both came to the realization that this would be another dead end road for Ben. He may enjoy it for a few months, but would quickly grow to hate it. Plus, he would have to work 40 + hours, then may have to relocate after a year. In the end, he'd still be looking for a different job.

After a very difficult discussion, I decided to support Ben in his decision to decline the position. I had to completely put my faith in God. I also had to not turn on Ben for not taking the position later on when I became stressed. After all, I had given him my support.

Now, perhaps God is taking us in the direction He wants us. Ben has acquired some new clients for his father's company. I am beginning orientation tomorrow for a new tutoring job that pays a very high hourly wage. This will allow me to free up time in my schedule to focus on school.

I just have to keep putting my faith in God. We have a lot of good things ahead of us in our future. Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in all the small technicalities of life that seem to go wrong. For instance - our car that would cost more than $1,000 to fix. Now, we are in the process of looking for a new used car. Oh - our other car needs a $400 repair before winter time too.

In the end of it all - I have a lot of optimism towards the future. Everyday I grow more passionate about educating students. I am beginning what I hope to be a weekly venture of visiting schools in the area. Next Friday, I start with Ozaukee Christian School, the week after Glen Hills just a few blocks away from my house. My college life is coming to the end. It has been enjoyable but difficult.

I am looking forward to the new segment of Ben and I's lives that will begin shortly. He has many publishers interested in his novel The Dreamer, and we both believe his second novel, Unlucky, will be an even bigger hit.

Everyone can view Ben's blog at: http://fidzo.wordpress.com/

Here's to putting our faith in God!

2010 Sinkhole in Milwaukee

Well, it seems disaster does seem to follow me to an extent.

In 2007 the Interstate Bridge 35W collapse. This was approximately 2-3 minutes away from my college campus in Minneapolis, MN. All of us college students took this bridge all the time to go get groceries and food! Below you will see pictures of this devastation. God's hand had to be in there because it was amazing how low the death toll was for how horrific it appears.

Now, we have a large sinkhole in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Once again, minutes away from my college campus. Luckily, Ben and I live north of Milwaukee in a town called Glendale in a third floor condo. We had horrible flooding that stranded cars, as the car seen in the sinkhole. It occurred last night. As of this morning, the car was still running with the lights on and wheels turning. When the sinkhole collapsed, there was a man in the SUV. He managed to get out with minimal injuries. I don't know how he got out because at the time it fell, there was water gushing into the hole as well.

I'll stop talking and just let you look at the pictures. The first one is the sinkhole in Milwaukee. The three pictures after are the bridge collapse in MInneapolis.

Jury Duty Calls

Well, my Mom is about to turn the big 5-0 this December and she still has yet to be called for jury duty. Here I am, 22, only lived in this city for almost 2 years, and I get the call for jury duty!!! Granted, I live in the big city of Milwaukee. I am positive there is much more crime here than in the little dinky towns of Janesville, Lee's Summit, Cameron, and even Kearney. (Okay, I do not mean dinky in a disrespectful manner, I love ALL those places I just listed). I just think it is a little ironic. I've been here since 9:15 am, it is now 1 pm. I've yet to be called for a court case. I'm starting to get a little bit bored. I have to be here until 5pm, and all day tomorrow! The good thing is this forces me to work on homework that I otherwise would have been putting off. So thank you everyone for having blogs to entertain me when I am sick of reading about symmetries, transformations, constructivism, cooperative learning and all the other stuff I'm learning right now.

I guess I might as well fill you in with my life. Forgive me if I have said this in a previous blog. Ben now has a new job, thank the Lord. He is still LOVING it! :) He works for Teen Challenge. It's a faith based non-profit organization that provides support to people of any age that have life-altering addictions. Specifically, he works in their re-sale shop where all proceeds go to support their cause. He is able to do something he knows very well, retail, while also ministering to the people who work with him. He's the only paid employee, everyone else are "students" enrolled in the Teen Challenge program. I've recently begun volunteering their as well. I love all the women at the store. They have amazing stories and great hearts. I pray the best for them always. I may become a women's supervisor during the summer.

As for me, I'm still in school right now. I'm finishing up the semester with the huge portfolio and presentation I have to do. It is hard work. I also applied for student teaching next year. I can't believe I will be applying for GRADUATION next!! It is so invigorating knowing I will be done soon. I'm also a little afraid, knowing that I could be teaching my own wild 5th grade class of over 30 kids myself pushes me to learn as much as I can now! Speaking of 5th grade, that is the grade I have been in this semester for a day and a half a week plus two full weeks. It will be hard to say good-bye to those kids! :( I love them so much despite the pain in the neck they can be! lol! :) I'll say this - THANK YOU TO PARENTS WHO TEACH THEIR KIDS RESPECT! A lot of elementary/middle school kids do not have this concept modeled for them at home :( It definitely shows its toll when you try to teach.

Well, I guess that is all I will write for now. I'm starting to get sick of looking at the computer. I may just go wonder around this little room I'm stuck in. Hopefully I will be called for a case soon. I think it would be an interesting experience to be on the actual jury panel.

-Ashley-


PS

Interesting Things I've learned lately:

5 of the 1st US Presidents authorized federal funds for evangelism & church planting.

The 1st Continental Congress paid to publish & distribute the BIBLE during the American Revolution.



And on the not so random...

If you are faithful in your relationship to God and with God, He will be faithful to you!!!

Sickness & Loud Junior High Girls

Well, I don't know what it is but Ben and I both seem to get sick all the time! Apparently I need a lesson on being healthy! Geeeesh! I think I should even go get the H1N1 shot, although now I don't know if it will do anything for me. Although, Ben did have pink eye and I didn't get that. Thank you God! I'm about to leave on a weekend retreat with a bunch of loud, crazy, hyper junior high girls. I'm still getting over what apparently was not Strep Throat. I think I actually have strep throat, but they did a rapid test, which isn't as accurate. My throat hurts even when I don't talk! I can't swallow or do anything. How am I supposed to be loud and giggly with all the girls?? I don't want them to think I'm boring! haha. Anyway, regardless it should be fun. Alright, that's all for now. I'm watching a scary movie and it is getting intense! It's called State of Play. Russel Crowe, Ben Affleck (if I spelled those right)

So long amigos!