It's 1:30 a.m. and I cannot sleep!! I don't know why. It's just been one of those nights where my mind will not stop thinking about things whether it is something small like my 5 page book report due on Wednesday, the emissions test I have to take the car for, or what I want to do for my career. I started out wanting to be a kindergarten teacher because it seemed (to me) like the easiest grade to deal with. The kids are cute, happy (or nervous) to be in school for the first time and they are learning how to socialize. Then I thought, well, maybe I want to be able to have a stronger relationship with my students and work in the 4th or 5th grade. Then again, that is bordering the age where kids can get rough and are more difficult to work with. I've sat in a kindergarten, 3rd, and 5th grade classroom. I cannot tell you which one I liked the most. I suppose I can get insecure. I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to teach these kids or that they won't like me. I run into this insecurity a little bit with the kids I'm teaching on Wednesday nights for church. They are so rowdy and it is difficult to keep their attention! Ben said something to me one night after I had talked to him about the class that for the first time since high school, it made me second guess if this is what I want to do. I still want to stay in education. I love the idea of teaching others, investing in their lives, and having summers off! haha. Then a part of me gets stuck on my whole notion that I only want to teach for two years and then start having children. I suppose I shouldn't be quick to form "plans" for the future like that because who knows where God will lead me. (Not saying that I'm not going to have kids!) Anyway, to the point. I think I may want to be a high school English teacher. I'm not the best at writing, but I do enjoy it when I am able to do it on my own terms. This year, I took my first English class since I have been in college and I am now a junior. Anyway, I have an AMAZING professor!!!!!! I cannot get over how brilliant she is! She is the type of professor that if I knew other classes she taught, I would take them as electives simply to be in her classes. I love the class and enjoy all the analyzing and writing we do that I really am thinking about teaching English. This is ironic that I am even thinking this because up until this class, the thought of taking an English class petrified me! I HATE writing papers. Somehow for this class, it all just flows. I'm not saying it is easy, but I enjoy it! I enjoy doing the research and all the hard work! I wrote a 6 page paper with an ease I had never experienced before!! (I know that if my brother is writing this he is groaning because he cannot leave a comment about how dorky I am!!!) Oh, I also would enjoy teaching high school because I loved high school! It is so much fun! I could experience homecoming every year again! I also would be able to make a bigger impact on kid's lives. I know a lot of my high school teachers were always there for me. I want to be able to do the same for others. I know it would be a big task if I suddenly decided this is what I want to do, but if it is what God wants me to do, then it will work out. This is the first time that I'm seriously considering this so I have no clue what God wants. I did just apply for the elementary education program this semester and had my interview for it on Wednesday. I guess if I don't get accepted, I could take it as a sign to go into high school English? Besides, English is something that just seems to run in the Belcher girls blood. I mean, Cherie has this ridiculous love for words, and I think Annie and Ronda majored in English. . . I don't think Alaina or Cindy particularly care for English. . . that I know of at least. haha. I looked up what classes I'd still need to take and if I switch majors, I'm going to be in school forever!!!!!!!!!! It would probably be 3 more years! Yikes! I wish there was an easy way to figure all this stuff out. It would be great if I could just flip a coin and that would solve all major questions in life.
Well.... I think I have lost my desire to continue writing for the night. I should try to sleep, I have to work in the morning.
God, I hope you tell me what I should do!
Amen!
4 comments:
Ashley I just want to tell you that my good friend Brianne teaches in English in High School, she absolutely loves it. Her blog link is on my page. Anyway she loves it and loves the kids and the kids love her. I think it's great. On the other hand my friend Heather that you know teaches 4th grade and she is happy with that too. So whatever you decide I think you will love. I think if you are a teacher you will love somthing about every grade. So don't worry too much. You will make the right choice. I don't know if I would like English for a major because I never went to college, but if I ever take a college English class I will let you know if I like it.
Ashley, it's so hard to make these decisions. But in the long run, whatever you choose will be fine. Kindergarteners are wonderful! OF course I'm a little biased because jacob is in Kindergarten.I am so grateful for his experienced, kind, caring, patient teacher. He loves her! And Lia Belle's pre-k teachers are awesome. I personally don't have enough energy to teach pre-k or or Kindergarten. You would be an awesome early education teacher. And in my opinion, if you want to have a big impact on students life, you will have as much or More of an impact on young children as you would on high schools. What children learn in the first 8 years of life has a bigger impact and determines their world view and sense right and wrong for the rest of their lives.
Every age has it's pro's and con's i guess it just boils down to which con's you can live with. Jacob and Lia Belle would LOVE you as a teacher.
Ashley~ It's hard to try to figure out what to do with the rest of your life! lol.. but I think you are doing the best things, such as really looking into other options, trying new things, and of course, praying about it. And FYI, English was always my favorite subject, and I used to think I wanted to teach high shchool, bc I had a crappy high school experience and crappy teachers, and I wanted to help other kids, but that's not what path I followed, but I think you would make a wonderful example for older kids! You could relate to them so well.. And no matter what you decide to do, if you do have children in the next 5 years or whenever you do, teaching is a wonderful job to have if you want to work while they are in school.. same hours, same summers off...and you could keep an eye on them! We don't know what will happen with the rest of our lives, but you can try to find out what you're supposed to do now! Good luck! Love you!
Ashley- I didn't know you had started a blog. I found your link on Alaina's blog. I am so excited to hear about your life. You are such a peach. I need you to send me your address so I can invite you onto my blog. E-mail me at rloveridge@tconl.com so I can get your address. I lost it from our visit in chicago. As for the big life dilemma, only you can know what is in your heart. If your desire is to serve and do good you will find that where ever you are. Maybe the fact that English would take you so much longer to complete is the answer. Probably the sooner you get teaching the better. You will want to get a little experience under your belt before it is time to bring some babies into your life. At least we know that prayers are answered and that God does care about you and your desires and your decisions. In my experience I have found that sometimes he lets us decide. Maybe it doesn't matter what grade you teach as long as you do it with a loving service oriented heart. So what does your gut tell you? We'll all love you no matter what. Right soon. Love, Ronda
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